When I was in my early 20’s I got my first service job at a restaurant. I started off as a hostess and quickly moved up to be a server within two months. I took my job seriously and it showed BUT there was one problem- I was a “Yes” woman.
After being at the job for 6 months, it was time for my employee review. I was nervous but excited because I’ve never received one before and I was expecting it to go super well, seeming that I was basically promoted from hostess to server within two months. I was in for a sweet treat that day because the first thing my boss told me was ” you need to learn how to say no.”
I was shocked and a little confused because we are suppose to be talking about how great of a server/hostess I have been, right? If I could take a picture of my face in that moment it would have been something like a puppy learning a new trick for the first time, where they tilt their heads to the side and puck out their ears.
Learning this information was very tough for me because I thought I was just being helpful. The next work shift, I said no to a coworker because they asked for a request that I truly could not commit to at that moment. The energy inside me shifted because I felt so guilty for not helping but what happened next was confirmation that I needed to step into the power of saying no. This coworker could care less about me saying no, and continued on with their activities. That wasn’t so bad.
So why do we feel so entitled to say YES all the time to people? It’s because people place a heavy stigma on the term “NO”. When a child is doing something wrong, the first thing we hear is “NO”. We immediately correlate that to being a “bad” word and as adults saying “no” is sort of being defiant. This is where we are wrong.
Saying no, has just as much power as saying yes because it is a choice. We have freewill to decide if we say no or yes.
I encourage you to take a pledge to say NO, not because you are being a “bitch” or because you are lazy but because you have a choice. Understanding that saying yes can come from that feminine energy that is so inclined to care and nurture everyone around us but that shit is draining. Maybe if women said NO more often we wouldn’t rank highest when it comes to depression or mental illness. We continue to say yes because of intimidation, or because people won’t like us. Who are you trying to validate?
If you can’t understand how to step into your power and have the confidence to simply say “no, I can’t.” then you will continue to fall into this never ending cycle of yes,yes,yes and yes but who’s saying yes to you?
I encourage you to step into your power and say no.